Monday, June 14, 2010

Paris Broke My Heart Again


I'm back in New York, suffering from a particularly agonizing bout of Paris withdrawal. And the question that keeps rising to the surface of my mind is: "Why do I keep doing this to myself?"

But no sooner do I ask it than I know the answer: Because I'm in love. Unfortunately, I'm in love with an abusive city that looks shiny from the outside but is—behind closed doors—deceitful and cruel. Paris will charm you one moment and then disparage you the next, but once you've lived there, you know that you will never cease to be lured back. Because from a distance, you only remember the charming parts. So you allow yourself to be manipulated, because you kind of like it, because a little Paris is better than no Paris, because you're American and your Paris obsession is as American as apple pie (but a lot more delicious).

Nonetheless, my heart feels dead, and I think it might stay that way until I plan my next séjour.

12 comments:

Jean-Laurent said...

Come on Tory, NY is great at this time...
Starting September I'm back in my appartement in the 12st, and ready for the Ny/Paris swap with you :-)

Andi said...

I totally and completely 100% concur with you. Paris is a cruel mistress and I can't stay away!

Brigid :: FrenchLogic said...

... just like the ex-boyfriend that you just can't stay away from. Love is like that. Sorry for your heartache.

nichole said...

This is SO true. As much as I love Paris (and god knows, I do), I love it more from here sometimes.

Anonymous said...

I agree 100% with you!
ex new yorker still living in Paris.

Andi said...

Awww, beautiful post in honor of your favorite city! I feel this way about Buenos Aires.

Claire * Lola Is Beauty said...

Oh - I am in the pre Paris bliss stage - writing long lists of all the places I want to go, all the things I'm going to eat - that I can't possibly manage to complete in the 5 days I'll be there next month. Yes, definitely the thought of Paris must be better than the reality - it must be or I would be there right now. Why aren't I there right now again?

Planet Tokki said...

I love your posts on Hip Paris. I've been living in Paris since Sept 2009 and the city both infuriates and casts a spell over me. I never know whether to burn it down or caress it.

:0

I still can't get over how long it takes a French person to answer a simple yes/no question, though : "bennnn, (expelling puff of air) mais.........oui non...."

Ah, les francais...

Anonymous said...

Wow I just moved back to the U.S. after four years of living in Paris, thinking I couldn't wait to get out. And I feel EXACTLY the same way you do. It's an awful predicament.

Paris-Sharing said...

The very thought of leaving Paris fills me with nostalgia and heart-ache, so I can imagine how you feel. As long as I can pay the rent, my body will remain with my heart in Paris.

Erin said...

I just stumbled upon your blog this evening while searching for french fashion tips (because after a summer of being stared at like a freak of nature in Paris, I realized that I should return a bit more prepared), and I had to let you know how much I love your blog. It's so well-written, hilarious and fun, and UGH IT MAKES ME MISS PARIS SO BADLY! But in a good way. : ) I'll be moving to Nantes this September, but I hope that I can fly into Paris and spend a few days wandering around and remembering my many "idiot American" adventures there.

p.s. The shoe story was my favorite because that is EXACTLY the kind of thing that happens to my clumsy self all the time.

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

"Paris will charm you one moment and then disparage you the next, but once you've lived there, you know that you will never cease to be lured back."

I feel the same about New York. Like Paris for Americans, NYC holds a special appeal for Europeans. And it never disappoints :-)

Even now, back in Europe, after two trips to Italy and one to Spain in the past year, I can't help but try to plan a trip to NYC, because I cannot imagine being away any longer!

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